Tag Archives: community

fear

Are You Facing Your Fears?

Fear often interferes with our ability to live more fulfilling lives. Fear is the critical voice in our head, telling us we’ll never succeed. When we let fear rule our lives, we miss out on opportunities and situations that could help us reach our goals. Fear comes in different guises and forms – procrastination for example. Here are ten ways to reduce and break through fear.

1. Write down your fears and how they affect your life.

2. Are there things you’re holding back on…

…because you’re frightened that you are not good enough or of making changes generally. You have a limited time on this earth. Deadlines are called deadlines for a reason!

3. Listen to your self-talk.

Many of us don’t so much talk to ourselves as make statements – i.e. I’ll never get that job – this cuts your brain dead and gives it nothing to work on. It’s gone on a prolonged holiday!

4. Start asking yourself questions.

For example, ask yourself: how can I make giving this speech an enjoyable experience. Now your brain has something to do! Don’t expect the answer straight away (but be aware of opportunities and situations that provide clues). Get into the habit of asking yourself questions, rather than making blanket (negative) statements.

5. Redefine mistakes and learn from them.

Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you’ve made in the past and being fearful of starting new relationships, jobs, etc. Call a mistake an opportunity for learning and seek the learning in every mistake.

6. Seek the company of supportive people…

…and reduce contact with those who foster feelings of negativity.

7. Read books about people who have succeeded…

…despite the obstacles and look at the principles and qualities behind what they did, their thinking and attitude. Closer to home – seek out role models who embody what you want to become. Learn from their approach and attitude.

8. Know that whatever quality you like or admire in someone…

…is lying dormant in you – waiting to be developed. How else would you recognize it? Make a list of the qualities you most admire in someone else and ask yourself how they can be acknowledged and developed in you.

9. Your past doesn’t have to define your future.

Be aware of your past and willing to let go of it. Each day brings a new opportunity to do and think about things differently.

10. List your goals and the actions you need to take…

…to achieve them every day. Every time you do something that brings you a little closer to achieving your goals, you will feel better about yourself and reduce your unnecessary fears.

Your Coach,

sig_shandel

 

About the Submitter
This piece was originally submitted by Julie Plenty 

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WORKPLACE GOSSIP, PART 2: BUILDING COMMUNITY

In our last blog post, we talked about the practice of gossip, and how poisonous it is. A lot of people think gossip is inevitable — a byproduct of human nature we can never be free of. I’m here to tell you that we can – and we must!

Why do people gossip? What’s at the root of the desire to spread negativity about other people?

Remember, we’ve said that there’s a very basic need every human has to have communication, community, and connection. Yet, where there are people, there’s conflict. If you hate to deal with conflict and you do everything to avoid it, you’ll end up with only superficial relationships. And that’s one of the foundations of gossip.

No Avoiding Conflict

If you want to be in healthy community and truly connect at a meaningful level with other people, you will have conflict. No way around it. Period. There will be times when we offend each other, when we miscommunicate, when we jump to conclusions, when we miss what the other person was trying to say.

When we have honest conversations to resolve those conflicts, we learn and grow from the experience of being challenged by another point of view. That is what makes us wiser and stronger as it helps grow our character. The way to PEACE is through truth. And peace-making is through resolving conflict, not avoiding it.

People involved in shallow, fake relationships are still trying to get their human need for connection and their desire to be heard met. Unfortunately, they feel the need to protect themselves, so they refuse to engage in authentically caring for others.

Calling into Community

When we listen to gossip, we allow these people to continue in their isolated world. We do not call them out of that lonely place into a community where they can be real, messy — and loved. We allow them to continue their pattern of negativity and unhappiness. Then we allow them to pollute our environment with their negativity and critical spirit.

You cannot have joy and criticism at the same time. So why would you trade in your joy card for this negativity? I don’t get it.

When I was in graduate school, I shared a house with four women. We agreed to some basic rules, but two really left their mark on me: 1) No gossip about fellow housemates, and 2) No listening to gossip.

That second rule kept me on the straight and narrow. I did not want to be called out by one of my friends and embarrassed because I was a gossip. I was willing to do the hard work of communicating, of working through the inevitable conflicts we faced, which deepened our relationships and led to peace and joy.

Anti-Gossip Policy

Please help me end gossip. I encourage all companies to adopt a policy to ensure that personal conflicts are being handled in a way that keeps people’s dignity and integrity in check. (Read my article on healthy conflict.) Equip your people with communication and conflict-resolution training.

I promise you, if you insist on a culture based on agreed-upon values and attract the right people to your organization, you can eliminate gossip in your workplace.

It is simple; it is just not easy!

Your Coach,

sig_shandel

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Ten Things Leaders “Should” Do

I wrote Clarity: Focusing on What Matters for leaders who like short reads (400 words or less)  and big application. That is why I fell in love with this article by Robin Sharma as I think he has a great perspective on what authentic leadership looks like when the leader is keeping it real. Enjoy!

What would your life look like if you had absolutely no fear? What kinds of things would you do if you lived from a frame of reference that your thoughts literally could form your world?

How brightly would your light shine if you stepped out of the limitations that are keeping you small and stretched yourself well past your comfort zone into the place that you know, deep within, you are meant to be?

Authentic leadership is all about being the person you know in your heart you have always been destined to be. Authentic leadership does not come from your title or from the size of your paycheck. Instead, this form of leadership comes from your being and the person that you are.

Here are 10 things that authentic leaders do on a regular basis:

 1. They speak their truth. In business today, we frequently ‘swallow our truth’. We say things to please others and to look good in front of The Crowd. Authentic leaders are different. They consistently talk truth. They would never betray themselves by using words that are not aligned with who they are. This does not give anyone a license to say things that are hurtful to people. Speaking truth is simply about being clear, being honest and being authentic.

2. They lead from the heart. Business is about people. Leadership is about people. The best leaders wear their hearts on their sleeves and are not afraid to show their vulnerability. They genuinely care about other people and spend their days developing the people around them. They are like the sun: the sun gives away all it has to the plants and the trees. But in return, the plants and the trees always grow toward the sun.

3. They have rich moral fiber. Who you are speaks far more loudly than anything you could ever say. Strength of character is true power – and people can feel it a mile away. Authentic leaders work on their character. They walk their talk and are aligned with their core values. They are noble and good. And in doing so, people trust, respect and listen to them.

4, They are courageous. It takes a lot of courage to go against the crowd. It takes a lot of courage to be a visionary. It takes a lot of inner strength to do what you think is right even though it may not be easy. We live in a world where so many people walk the path of least resistance. Authentic leadership is all about taking the road less traveled and doing, not what is easy, but what is right.

5. They build teams and create communities. One of the primary things that people are looking for in their work experience is a sense of community. In the old days, we got our community from where we lived. We would have block parties and street picnics. In the new age of work, employees seek their sense of community and connection from the workplace. Authentic leaders create workplaces that foster human linkages and lasting friendships.

6.They deepen themselves. The job of the leader is to go deep. Authentic leaders know themselves intimately. They nurture a strong self-relationship. They know their weaknesses and play to their strengths. And they always spend a lot of time transcending their fears.

7. They are dreamers. Einstein said that, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” It is from our imaginations that great things are born. Authentic leaders dare to dream impossible dreams. They see what everyone else sees and then dream up new possibilities. They spend a lot of time with their eyes closed creating blueprints and fantasies that lead to better products, better services, better workplaces and deeper value. How often do you close your eyes and dream?

8. They care for themselves. Taking care of your physical dimension is a sign of self-respect. You can’t do great things at work if you don’t feel good. Authentic leaders eat well, exercise and care for the temples that are their bodies. They spend time in nature, drink plenty of water and get regular massages so that, physically, they are operating at planet-class levels of performance.

9. They commit to excellence rather than perfection. No human being is perfect. Every single one of us is a work in progress. Authentic leaders commit themselves to excellence in everything that they do. They are constantly pushing the envelope and raising their standards. They do not seek perfection and have the wisdom to know the difference. What would your life look like if you raised your standards well beyond what anyone could ever imagine of you?

10. They leave a legacy. To live in the hearts of the people around you is to never die. Success is wonderful but significance is even better. You were made to contribute and to leave a mark on the people around you. In failing to live from this frame of reference, you betray yourself. Authentic leaders are constantly building their legacies by adding deep value to everyone that they deal with and leaving the world a better place in the process.

Thank you Robin for sharing your wisdom with us!

Your Coach,

sig_shandel

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Leader is NOT a Title – It’s a Calling. #LEXI14

Leadership is a discipline, an art, a privilege. “Leader” is not a title, it’s a calling. We all lead, like it or not. Leadership is about influence and each of us have the opportunity for huge influence. My life’s purpose is to help others find their purpose. Those words hold great meaning to me and I get to fulfill my purpose every day of my life in some form or another. Specifically, I have a heart for leaders who want to powerfully lead their lives in such a way that the next generation will want to follow in their footsteps as the leader leaves a legacy.

Professional

At both TLC and the Chandelle Group, I get to do this every day at work. My job is to support leaders unnamedin finding their purpose first, then their team, and ultimately their organization, to achieve the next level of success. It is fascinating working with organizations that have this kind of vision because they are more profitable than those who do not.

Personal

My desire for each person I meet is that they will find peace and live with purpose. The most fulfilling right now is investing in my nieces and nephews – talking to them about their greatness and, most importantly, modeling for them what living with purpose looks like. The girls on command are ready to proclaim at all times … “Slaten Girls Are Fearless!”  Just walk up to them and say … “Slaten girls are…”. They will fiercely answer back “FEARLESS.”

Community

The LEXI Leadership Summit is a non-profit I started in 2008 to connect, equip and mentor women. I want women to have the confidence and courage to see themselves as leaders, to grow in their role as a leader, and to live a purposeful life as they impact others in their sphere of influence to do the same. Women do not invest in themselves and thus we created the LEXI Women’s Leadership Summit so women could come together, spend a day investing in their professional and personal development, and leave with an action plan, with the first step already in motion.

What women tell me they need:

  • Connect with other leaders and like-minded women. All of us have a myriad of roles and frankly too much to do. As a result, we isolate. We do not pick our head up long enough to realize we haven’t breathed, let alone connected in who knows how long.
  • Get equipped with practical tools, skills and insights. We don’t have time for untested ideas and ideologies. We need easily digested challenges that push us but can quickly be implemented to help get where we want to go.
  • Mentor and be mentored. We need the example, inspiration and lessons learned from women who have been where we want to go or fellow sojourners on our life’s path. We don’t need “one mentor” — we need a few to call upon and help us to our next level.

PrintThe next LEXI Women’s Leadership Summit  is October 24th in Reno, NV and it is not too late to book your flight down and join us. The theme is PURPOSE: Find It, Own It, Live It.  We have a video that describes what Lexi is and I’ve included one that displays my passion. Please forward this to any women who you know in the Reno / Lake Tahoe area, and here is my email blog subscriber promo code for $50 off (promo code: s2blog50)

If you are a woman, invest in yourself. If you are a man, there are women who need you to say, “take the day to invest in yourself – it’s on me. Enjoy!”

Thank you for helping me spread the word on LEXI and more importantly I hope you will go and live your purpose with passion today!

Your Coach,

sig_shandel