Tag Archives: humility

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5 Steps to Your Best Year Yet!

How is your 2016 – are you off to a great start, or are you stuck at the starting line? If you didn’t see our 4th quarter newsletter, it is full of new year inspiration.

I want so much for this year to be your best yet – best in ALL areas, not just an out-of-balance limping along where you are excelling in one area and woefully anemic in many others. So how do we go about it?

Here are 5 things you can give your attention to – TODAY!

  1. I want you to be courageous. I want you to tell the truth and be real.
  2. I want you to be humble and to be confident. Call it humble-confidence.
  3. I want you to be clear about your priorities and honor them.
  4. I want you to communicate, and once you feel you have, then do it again six more times. I want you to connect with others in a new and meaningful way. I want you to listen, truly listen to others and hear what they are saying and what they are not saying.
  5. I want you to delegate 50% more. You need help to do so, thus I want you to ask for help.

If you are ready to say YES to the life that is in alignment and has priorities, contact us! We have coaching packages for you in both your leadership and personal life.

What are you waiting for??

Your Coach,

sig_shandel

 

 

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The Top 10 Thoughts for People Suffering from Perfectionism

Being a perfectionist can make life very complicated, for one is ever seeking to attain the unattainable. Perfectionists often find it difficult to contemplate being otherwise, and yet the fear of not doing things perfectly can paralyze us.

Here are some thoughts and questions for people suffering from perfectionism:

1. How much does your perfectionism interfere with your life as you would like to live it? Does it make you happy?

2. You know that you cannot really be perfect. Do you know that fear of not being perfect can lead to procrastination so intense that it may become paralysis? Even if not that extreme, it can lead to the inability to start projects, and the inability to finish them.

3. Did you know that the makers of traditionally superb Persian rugs always added a flaw to each carpet? They believed that only the Creator can create perfection, and for them to try to do so would be unduly arrogant. The deliberately added flaw was an admission of their humanity and their humility.

4. What would happen if you chose not to be perfect – to accept minor imperfections in yourself and your work? Would the sky fall? Would there be serious consequences? What would they be?

5. Who originally told you that everything you do has to be perfect? Does the opinion of that person still have the right to run your life? To ruin your life?

6. We are in control of our lives to the extent that we make choices. Do you CHOOSE perfectionism, or does it feel more like a compulsion? If perfectionism is not your choice, how can you move toward the acceptance of yourself as you are, including minor imperfections, as a conscious choice?

7. Think of the people you most like and respect. Are they perfect? Probably not, yet you still like and respect them. Why should you think others would not feel the same way about you?

8. Think of the most perfect presently living person you know. Is this person fully perfect? Is this person lovable? Is this person fun and comfortable to be around? Do you want to be like this person? Do you truly want other people to experience you as you experience him/her?

9. Think of the people you love most in your life. Do you insist that they be perfect? If you do… what kind of a life are you pushing them towards? If you don’t… then why do you demand more of yourself, who should be even closer to you, than you demand of those other people?

10. Perfectionism often prevents us from bringing a project to completion. Can you learn to think of each project or mini-project as a beta version, and bring just that version of it to completion? That way, you are not saying that you must accept it exactly as it is, but you have at least completed it, while knowing that if you need to you can revisit and do more tweaking again later.

Your Coach,

 

sig_shandel

Submitted by Diana Robinson

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Celebrate What Goes Right

Be humble and celebrate! I know we have had enough talk of the Seahawks Superbowl loss, but we are on the upward swing of the grief cycle so let’s go forward. In this month’s newsletter, I shared about the 5 lessons learned from #sb49 and this, in my opinion, is a very important lesson for all leaders. Stay humble. Celebrate more. Blame less. Focus ahead.

As a leader, I have failed much worse than losing a football game with a lousy call. Much worse. For example, I unintentionally have hurt people who mean the world to me. Yet, I was granted forgiveness and grace because of the character of the people I surround myself with: forgiving, positive people. How grateful I am that they chose to focus on who I am, not on what I did in a moment of poor judgment and imperfection.

Resist the temptation to demand someone be blamed. Be a person who helps the team do what’s right. Be someone who is grateful for what is going right rather than obsessed with what is going wrong. Be humble: One poor decision can erase it all.

A sober lesson for all of us. You can win a divisional championship. You can have national press. You can go to the Super Bowl. You can have fans and you can believe your own press. However, you are only one mistake, one poor decision, one bad call, one moment of greatness by your competitor and, well, just listen to what you said about your beloved team.

BE humble, leaders, you just might be next.

In the meanwhile, CELEBRATE! Celebrate what you are and not what you are not.

We were champs last year of the national league. This year we are champions of our division — NFC champs! We have great things to celebrate. You don’t have to be perfect to celebrate. You don’t have to get to the top to be proud. You do have to give it 100% and then some.

Be a leader who celebrates often what went right on your team, in your family and for your kids. Be that positive example that take responsibility of the loss and celebrates greatly the wins!

#GOHAWKS! #sb50

Your Coach,

sig_shandel

stay-humble

Is Humble Confidence an Oxymoron?

I cringed the other day, when yet another friend told yet another story of an egotistical boss. I was relieved for her because she had been recruited away, leaving him alone with his arrogant attitude and inflated speeches. I actually feel sorry for the guy. He is blinded to how his behavior is ruining the culture of his business. In his mind, it’s always someone else’s fault and fires at will. Makes me sad.

In contrast, isn’t it refreshing when you see an organization and its leadership truly investing in their people? Whose leader truly wants to lead and care for his or her employees? If you find that person, you will find the makings of a unique company culture … one with little to no turnover, profit on the bottom line, and real joy in the workplace!

Focused and Flexible

I once worked with a start-up company to discover their core purpose and values. One of the values that made it to the top was the descriptive combo of words, “Humble Leadership.” Together those words sizzle with meaning. They also seem like an oxymoron.

Confidence is a strong word. Yet it is rooted in words like belief, trust, faith, reliance. It means that you have a strong belief that you (and others) will behave, act, respond in a way that is right, effective, and certain. That doesn’t sound humble, right?

Yet, the most refreshing leaders to be around are ones that embody humble confidence. I bet you can think of one now. Someone you respected and wanted to follow. They listened to you and sought your input as part of the team, yet had a strong sense of where they were going. You felt your opinion not only matter, it helped in a meaningful way to fulfill the organization’s mission. I often describe this trait in action as “Focused and Flexible.”

Pain and Inadequacy

What’s the opposite of humble confidence? I believe it is shame-based leadership. In my experience, most leaders wrestle with the normal nagging thoughts, “Do I have what it takes?” or “Will I be found out one day?” I write about that in my book, Clarity.

An epiphany came when I was studying for a talk on shame and looked it up on my iPhone, of all places. Apple succinctly defines shame as “A painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.” Here’s the thing: When the questions above are not answered with humble confidence, then the leader (usually an entrepreneur) sets out to silence that voice by “proving” him or herself, leading to behavior that brings shame.

If you want to know if you suffer from shame, then sit down and make a list of the areas you have pain in because of a sense of inadequacy, or any area where you feel guilt. I know it can be a painful process. But it’s the first step to facing the truth to move toward the relief of humble confidence.

One other note: Do not isolate yourself in this process! Bring it to your community, whether that’s your coach, EO/YPO forum, trusted peers, or so on.

Personal Humility, Professional Will

Of course, all of this certainly isn’t a new concept. In fact, I remember when Jim Collins’s classic book Good to Great came out, I devoured it. I focused especially on the secret sauce of a Level 5 leader. These people “blend extreme personal humility with intense professional will.”

Let’s review Collins’s five attributes that epitomize the Level 5 Leader:

1. They are self-confident enough to set up their successors for success.
2. They are humble and modest.
3. They have “unwavering resolve.”
4. They display a “workmanlike diligence — more plow horse than show horse.”
5. They give credit to others for their success and take full responsibility for poor results.

I have to be real right now. I know very few people who truly desire to lead as Level 5 leaders. Many CEOs don’t have the needed patience, self-discipline and heart to lead with humility and confidence. Having said that, I am fully confident that with training and desire, it is more than possible for future Level 5 leaders to get to the top level if they invest in others around them. As an executive coach, I get to see change every day in people who truly want to make a difference in this world.

How about you? Are you leader who has resolve, displays diligence, gives credit and takes responsibility. Or are you one whose eye is on personal gain? The key is having an accurate view of yourself. Coaching can help with this, but whether or not you get assistance, realize you need a team to get you to the next level.

Then you are a part of an elite group who truly want to lead.

Be humble, be confident, be the best you can be today!

Your Coach,

 

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When Things Aren’t as They Seem – with Jill Tolles

This week’s guest blog comes from our friend Jill Tolles.  Jill was one of our fantastic speakers at the 2014 LEXI Women’s Leadership Summit in Reno. She is a dynamic speaker and communicator, and one of the Shandel and John supporters. Thank you, Jill, for helping the Chandelle Group/True Life Coaching Team as we endeavor to provide Shandel the time and space to prepare for her upcoming wedding!

Here’s Jill…………

Every year, my husband and I go fly fishing with the Great Waters Outfitters in Montana with his dad and a group of friends. One day we were banked on the side of the Big Hole River, tying new flies onto our lines when I watched the strangest thing happen. There was a boat with two men in the middle of the river. One man had just caught a white fish, considered a trash fish in the trout inhabited waters. After he examined it, he proceeded to hold it by the tail and slam its head against the side of the boat, killing it instantly. He then held it up with both hands over his head and hurled it into the center of the river.

Immediately, I was offended. Why would he do that? I asked our river guide and he had no idea. He agreed it was strange and was as puzzled as I was. My blood started to boil at the, albeit small, act of what I deemed senseless animal abuse and disregard for life. I was revving up to confront the man with an emboldened, “Hey, nice sportsmanship!” when I noticed him look directly at me and point above my head.

Just then, I heard a whooshing sound and looked up to see an enormous wingspan of at least six feet spread out above me.

Edwin Way Teale described the bald eagle in the Atlantic Monthly,1957. “Above all other birds it is the soaring eagle, with its size and weight, that gives the most abiding impression of power and purpose in the air. It advances solidly like a great ship cleaving the swells and thrusting aside the smaller waves. It sails directly where lesser birds are rocked and tilted by the air currents.”

I watched as the bald eagle swooped down to snatch the white fish in his talons and carry it back to its nest 75 feet above me at the top of a Lodgepole Pine. It was the most majestic creature I have ever seen.

I was humbled and suddenly aware of how I had misjudged the situation. I was also extremely thankful that I didn’t call out the man in the boat for what I had deemed despicable behavior.

It is easy to assume we have all the information and to be quick to pass judgment on someone or something before we have heard all sides of the story.

There are many times I have rushed into sharing my opinions on a situation only to have to eat my words later. Backtracking is not fun. It would have been better to take a breath, ask some questions, look at it from all angles and still say nothing unless I am asked.

There is absolutely a time to use our voice, confront, call to the carpet, advocate, and judge rightly.  But if we are prone to being judgmental, quick tempered and overly opinionated, we might find that we need to adapt a more anatomically correct way of communicating.

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. 

Use them proportionately.

- Jill Tolles
407218_446adcb4abfc4cd3bbef9f8b7356feaf.jpg_srz_120_154_75_22_0.50_1.20_0.00_jpg_srzJill Tolles is an adjunct professor at the University of Nevada, Reno in the Department of Communication Studies in addition to teaching at classes at  Multnomah College and the National Judicial College. She specializes in Public Speaking, Listening, and Small Group Communication. In addition, she teaches Business and Professional Speaking, Communication between the Sexes, Interpersonal Conflict, and Interpersonal Communication. She is chair of the Washoe County School District’s Say Yes for Kids committee, a member of the Senate Task Force for the Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse, and a pro bono lobbyist for Parent Leaders for Education. Before teaching, Ms. Tolles worked for a non-profit and then joined the private sector as the Northern Nevada Regional Manager for ADP.

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Leadership + Humility = Growth

What happens when a leader begins to look within herself and is willing to be humble? At True Life Coaching we love hearing stories of people who choose to live intentionally. In our last newsletter we featured Jeri Epperson and her journey of growth from a young businesswoman to a brilliant, savvy leader! We are privileged to know Jeri and watch her life!

I first met Shandel about ten years ago when I was working for a hay exporting company in Central Washington. We had a team of six unique and strong personalities that often worked eight hours a day in a room with no windows, just computers and white boards and our personalities working on process improvement in our SCM database. Needless to say we needed a coach to help us play well together and appreciate and capitalize on our differences. Enter Shandel.

We met monthly with her for off-sites that I remember to be fun and frustrating, enlightening and irritating, brilliant and painful. Why frustrating, irritating, and painful? Because I was 23 and thought I knew everything already. Since age ten I had been sitting in on my mom’s meeting with executives from Chrysler, Praxair, and British Airways. I had professionalism down — right? Shandel thought no, and she was right of course.

Everything she was telling me to do was dead on. She was telling me to listen more, to see things as they were and to stop filtering everything I heard and saw through my own story, and to let go of thinking I am right and have all the answers. But my 23-year-old heart refused to listen. I needed to still be the “bright for my young age” girl I had been for so long. How could I be that if I had to admit I didn’t have all the answers?

Fast forward a few years after I had left that job, feeling fully entitled and petulant, to take on a role where I began to be on the other side of management in HR — not to mention the other side of 30 and having to deal with 23-year-olds who were doing all the same things I had been doing. Acting entitled, refusing to listen, and generally making me roll my eyes until I thought they would fall out. And for every one of these interactions a light bulb would go off over my head and I would see something in myself that needed to change.

Then one day while looking for some leadership training for one of my colleagues I saw in Shandel’s newsletter an ad for the Women’s Leadership Summit (now known as LEXI). I signed up and have been on exponential growth mode ever since. All the humility I was gaining, dealing with younger versions of myself, also wracked my confidence. What else didn’t I know? But it was Shandel’s gig and I KNEW it was going to be good. And boy was it ever good. Beyond the wisdom and the actual learning that took place, what I found to be most valuable was seeing women who really seemed to have it together telling stories of how they felt just like me but took the risk, challenged themselves to grow, and take a good long look at what they were and what they wanted to be and took action to get there. I realized I don’t have to have all the answers or be perfect all the time. But I do have to keep learning about myself, I do have to keep listening, and I do have to respect the wisdom around me.

I am booked for LEXI Seattle in May and have the very good fortune of having TLC coach Mary Beth King coming to facilitate our staff retreat in March. I get so excited for these opportunities now because I can’t wait to be a better me. Every time I get the chance to be around a Mary Beth or Shandel — or my own smart savvy mother who is my original and ongoing inspiration — I try to soak up everything they have to give. Wouldn’t you know it, I don’t feel the frustrating, irritating or painful anymore — just fun, brilliant, and enlightening!

- Jeri Epperson

We are delighted to offer you, our blog readers, a special promo code when you register for the 6th Annual LEXI Women’s Leadership Summit on May 2! Use the code blog2014 and receive $40 off.

Quotes on Humble Confidence

He who is humble is confident and wise. He who brags is insecure and lacking. – Lisa Edmondson

It is always the secure who are humble. – Gilbert Keith Chesterton

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

 

As I have said, the first thing is to be honest with yourself. You can never have an impact on society if you have not changed yourself… Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, of honesty, but humility. – Nelson Mandela

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle. – Benjamin Franklin

Do you like quotes? Get our daily quote of the day for free- here!


Is Humble Confidence an Oxymoron?

I cringed the other day, when yet another friend told yet another story of an egotistical boss. I was relieved for her because she had been recruited away, leaving him alone with his arrogant attitude and inflated speeches. I actually feel sorry for the guy. He is blinded to how his behavior is ruining the culture of his business. In his mind, it’s always someone else’s fault and fires at will. Makes me sad.

In contrast, isn’t it refreshing when you see an organization and its leadership truly investing in their people? Whose leader truly wants to lead and care for his or her employees? If you find that person, you will find the makings of a unique company culture … one with little to no turnover, profit on the bottom line, and real joy in the workplace!

Focused and Flexible

Recently, I worked with a start-up company to discover their core purpose and values. One of the values that made it to the top was the descriptive combo of words, “Humble Leadership.” Together those words sizzle with meaning. They also seem like an oxymoron.

Confidence is a strong word. Yet it is rooted in words like belief, trust, faith, reliance. It means that you have a strong belief that you (and others) will behave, act, respond in a way that is right, effective, and certain. That doesn’t sound humble, right?

Yet, the most refreshing leaders to be around are ones that embody humble confidence. I bet you can think of one now. Someone you respected and wanted to follow. They listened to you and sought your input as part of the team, yet had a strong sense of where they were going. You felt your opinion not only matter, it helped in a meaningful way to fulfill the organization’s mission. I often describe this trait in action as “Focused and Flexible.”

Pain and Inadequacy

What’s the opposite of humble confidence? I believe it is shame-based leadership. In my experience, most leaders wrestle with the normal nagging thoughts, “Do I have what it takes?” or “Will I be found out one day?” I write about that in my book, Clarity.

An epiphany came when I was studying for a talk on shame and looked it up on my iPhone, of all places. Apple succinctly defines shame as “A painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.” Here’s the thing: When the questions above are not answered with humble confidence, then the leader (usually an entrepreneur) sets out to silence that voice by “proving” him or herself, leading to behavior that brings shame.

If you want to know if you suffer from shame, then sit down and make a list of the areas you have pain in because of a sense of inadequacy, or any area where you feel guilt. I know it can be a painful process. But it’s the first step to facing the truth to move toward the relief of humble confidence.

One other note: Do not isolate yourself in this process! Bring it to your community, whether that’s your coach, EO/YPO forum, trusted peers, or so on.

Personal Humility, Professional Will

Of course, all of this certainly isn’t a new concept. In fact, I remember when Jim Collins’s classic book Good to Great came out, I devoured it. I focused especially on the secret sauce of a Level 5 leader. These people “blend extreme personal humility with intense professional will.”

Let’s review Collins’s five attributes that epitomize the Level 5 Leader:

1. They are self-confident enough to set up their successors for success.
2. They are humble and modest.
3. They have “unwavering resolve.”
4. They display a “workmanlike diligence — more plow horse than show horse.”
5. They give credit to others for their success and take full responsibility for poor results.

I have to be real right now. I know very few people who truly desire to lead as Level 5 leaders. Many CEOs don’t have the needed patience, self-discipline and heart to lead with humility and confidence. Having said that, I am fully confident that with training and desire, it is more than possible for future Level 5 leaders to get to the top level if they invest in others around them. As an executive coach, I get to see change every day in people who truly want to make a difference in this world.

How about you? Are you leader who has resolve, displays diligence, gives credit and takes responsibility. Or are you one whose eye is on personal gain? The key is having an accurate view of yourself. Coaching can help with this, but whether or not you get assistance, realize you need a team to get you to the next level.

Then you are a part of an elite group who truly want to lead.

Women’s Leadership Summit

By the way, you probably realize that women make up more than half the workforce. This month, we are focusing on developing women leaders at our 3rd Annual Women’s Leadership Summit May 19. Starbucks is hosting us! They are one of the companies leading the way in the investment of their women. If you have any women in your organization, you would be wise to invest in them today — or they will find a company that does. It will be one of the best investments you make in their training and development. Early bird special ends May 5th so get on it!

Be humble, be confident, be the best you can be today!

Your Coach,

 

Can You Gain Power and Strength via Being Meek? Clarity #20

Does anyone else watch old timeless movies this time of year? EVERY year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I watch “ELF” and “It’s a Wonderful Life.” One makes me laugh and the other causes great reflection and gratefulness. This week’s Clarity reading pulls from lessons learned from “The Man From Snowy River”, another favorite. A young client of mine had never seen the movie. WHAT? You must see this sappy little movie immediately. In it the main character, Jim Craig, not only tames a powerful, dangerous and beautiful wild colt, he captures the whole mob of brumbies, (the term for feral horses in Australia – BTW) How? Only with the help of his faithful saddle horse, the real hero of the story.

Powerful Leadership

Because its strength and power had been bridled, trained, and controlled, Craig’s horse could carry him where other cowboys had not dared to go. It had the potential to go wild, to return to the herd, but it was obedient and loyal to Craig, part of a two-creature team on an outrageous mission. Was the meek saddle horse any less of a brave leader than the scene-stealing, bucking black brumbie?

Strength Under Control

Meekness is not spinelessness or sentimentality. The term meek comes from the Greek word praus, which is used for a strong beast that has been tamed. In other words, strength under control. Translated, you, in control. Many times, we as leaders think we have to do the rearing-head colt-thing to get things done, yet isn’t it the humble power of a mentor we remember?

Test It For Yourself

Test it, list the qualities of someone who has influenced your life in a meaningful way. If you are like most, your list will include moral integrity, humble confidence, gentle strength, and genuine interest in the good of others, a team player who invested in you. It is not the guy who strutted in and had it all together looking down on the rest as the smartest guy in the room. We gravitate to people who have been tested in their character and in their times of weakness became strong, confident and humble. What we experience in them is the character trait of meekness.

That person is so strong, so confident they could take anyone out with their wisdom, intelligence and experience – instead they quietly and meekly serve others.

Who is a humble and meek person in your life? Someone who has influenced you with that quiet strength?

Be sure and secure copies of Clarity for the leaders in your life for Christmas. They can follow along into the new year. The gift of Clarity: Focusing on What Matters in 2012.

Your Coach For Clarity,

Shandel