Tag Archives: Story

conflict

How to Thrive in the Face of Conflict

On a team, healthy conflict means initiating a controversial topic or bringing attention to an issue or situation that could be seen as controversial or disagreement. It is the act of passionately, with conviction, bringing your unique perspective or your “story” to the table in the spirit of teamwork, organizational health, and overall alignment.

It takes a lot of courage to engage in healthy conflict. You run the risk of being wrong, or of making someone else be acknowledged as wrong. That is where trust comes in — to ensure everyone is safe in telling their “story” and bringing their unique perspective to the team. There is no wrong, when the goal is to make the team right.

I hope you find the suggestions below helpful and when you face conflict (which you will), you and your team will thrive!

Your Coach,

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How to Thrive in the Face of Conflict
by Elise Mitchell – original article adapted

  1. Act quickly. Get to the heart of the issue as quickly as possible. Unresolved conflict will escalate and cause additional problems as it grows.
  2. Understand the situation. Speak directly to those involved, listen well, and pose clarifying questions to ensure you fully understand what’s going on.
  3. Keep it contained. Don’t allow others to get drawn into the negativity. Advise only those who are directly involved.
  4. Peel back the layers. Be sure every issue is on the table. Conflicts often have multiple layers, and their root cause could easily go unspoken.
  5. Stay engaged. Some peoples’ flight instincts kick in when things escalate. Don’t let this happen to you or your employees. Keep everyone engaged all the way through to the resolution.
  6. Find common ground. Focus primarily on what the involved parties have in common. This will lead to mutually beneficial resolutions.
  7. Move forward. Communicate what you expect going forward, and hold others accountable for these changes.
  8. Check in. Periodically assess the success of your solutions. Make adjustments as needed to ensure continued progress.

The idea of confronting and quelling conflict can be nerve-wracking to some leaders, but ignoring it or delaying its resolution will only make things worse. Rarely do these things work themselves out, and whatever solution you reach will undoubtedly improve your workplace and bottom line.
Like it or not, conflict resolution comes with your leadership role. Monitoring and addressing conflict as it arises will ensure a happy, present, and productive workforce for your company.

Contact us to see how the Shandel Group team can support YOUR team in pursuing healthy conflict.

6 Steps To Change Your Story

You can’t change behavior.

What you can change is your story, by understanding your motivators, which ultimately drive behavior. Lasting change will not happen if you try to change any behavior without first addressing what drives your actions. Sure, there may be a season of performing the actions in the right way, but soon your true motivations override the “trying,” and the old learned behaviors sneak back in.

Without proper motivation and changed belief systems, long-term behavioral change is nearly impossible. Fortunately, the opposite is true as well: When you have meaningful, desirable motivations, change is definitely possible. True change happens when you correctly align your internal motivators, values, and beliefs to initiate and drive the daily actions and behaviors. In fact, I would go so far to say as people are transformed when they change their beliefs! Below are a few tips on how to change your story into one that leads to transformation. Continue reading

Who Wants Behavior Change? Here's How!

On my wall hangs proof that I am a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst. I spend 90% of my time helping people discover and alter behaviors that are getting in the way of their own success and that of people they influence. I make a living observing and understanding human behavior and guess what? You can’t change behavior.

What you can change is your story, by understanding your motivators, which ultimately drive behavior. If you want to try to change any behavior without first addressing what drives your actions, lasting change won’t happen. There may be a season of performing the actions in the right way, but soon your true motivations override the “trying,” and the old learned behaviors sneak back in.

Without proper motivation and changed belief systems, long-term behavioral change is nearly impossible. Fortunately, the opposite is true as well: When you have meaningful, desirable motivations, change is definitely possible. True change happens when you correctly align your internal motivators, values, and beliefs to initiate and drive the daily actions and behaviors. In fact, I would go so far to say as people are transformed when they change their beliefs!

Tools To Change

That’s one reason I use an online behavior assessment to help people understand their innate style and propensities. However, I always use it in conjunction with a motivator assessment as well. With the combination of the two, you learn so much about what motivates you and how to change your reality to match up with the vision you have for your life.

By the way, see below because I’m giving away four free behavior/motivator assessments this month, so read on for a chance to win a personalized assessment via our Facebook page. For now, here are a few free tips on understanding and changing your motivators.

Change Your Story: Ignite Your Motivators

When I work with clients or a leadership team, I often talk about “changing your story.” We all have an internal dialogue or story playing in our heads all day, every day. It consists of your beliefs, motivations, thoughts, and opinions—which manifest as the filter through which you sift all information. Whenever we want to change our behavior or our feelings, we must start by changing our story.

Last year I was working with a leadership team in a company that was losing money, running inefficient meetings, and knowing they could not continue in this stressed-out, dysfunctional state one day longer. They each had their own story and it was time to get it out on the table for all to hear. All team members agreed to be open to do the work to gain the much-needed alignment by engaging in healthy conflict.

For two long days, we went deep to expose broken trust, resolve toxic conflict, and improve communication. It was intense, but the team walked out committed to new behavioral norms and guidelines to build trust back into the culture. The results were immediate, as everyone left refreshed and committed to change. It was all “Kumbaya” and “Hakuna Matata” for the next few months.

However, as time went by, what we found is that only those who did the internal work were truly transformed.

It takes focus, courage, and effort to live in the new story and norms were tested. The ones that continued in their coaching process until the shift was fully ingrained truly challenged and changed their behavior. Sadly, others on the team just went through the motions and accepted the information in their head just to get that relief from the pressure. But they never let it alter their beliefs. What causes this? Typically, the fear of facing our story. When we don’t, we can just blame others and life for lack of change. As a result, our behaviors change for a season, but not for a lifetime.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

We can all change, but it takes a consistent challenging of our story. Like my client, Allie, who was transformed as she challenged her story. She continually encouraged her team to stick to their core value and “insist on integrity ”as they had all agreed.

Another senior executive, Bob, sadly was unwilling to address his own blind spots and engage in his real areas for growth. While the team progressed with their commitments, he was left behind grumbling and complaining, holding the team back from their highest potential. Unfortunately, his lack of courage to address his own issues made the whole team play at a lower level,which, sad for Bob but gladly for the company, they were unwilling to do.
Are you willing to do the work for lasting change?

How to Change Your Story

1. Find it – Get in touch with what you are saying in your head. What is the internal dialogue you have going on? We all talk to ourselves all day long – what are you saying to you?

2. Listen to it – Listen to your story. Do you like it? Is it really what you want to be listening to all day long?

3. Challenge it – If you don’t like what you hear, think about whether your story is accurate. Challenge it by asking others to hear your story and see if it aligns with what they know are your values and the vision of the man/woman you want to be.

4. Share it – Telling your story is one of the most effective communication tools available. Who can you confide in?

5. Compare it – Ask others to share their story. Investigate the similarities and where you have incomplete information. It is essential to stay humble and curious as you listen. Be open to changing your story with the new info.

6. Start a new story – Now that you’ve figured out what’s wrong with your old story, think about what you want your new story to be. It might be helpful to start by thinking about the person you want to be every day. What’s the kind of story that person would listen to? Scrap your old story and start with this new one.

Start Your Change Now

So, are you ready for a new story? If you are ready to start changing or assessing your motivations – and, subsequently, your behaviors – I would love to help by giving you a personalized behavior and motivational assessment. With the combination of the two, you will learn so much about your story, what motivates you, and how to change your reality to match up with the vision you have for your life.

Get a Free Assessment

During the month of March, True Life Coaching is giving away a free behavior/motivator assessment each week on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/truelifeinc). Starting March 1st, we will post a question – leave an answer to be entered for the free assessment (a $155 value!). Each Wednesday we will post a new question and the winner will be announced on Fun Friday! Plus, follow us on Twitter to get a bonus online debriefing package if you win.

Looking forward to helping you change!

P. S. Read on there is one more way to get a free assessment.