The cost of enjoying your life? What price are you willing to pay?

This is a muse. I usually write pointed business, leadership and life coaching tips. Today, I share my journey to enjoy my life in 2012. On my planning retreat for 2012, I spent some time journaling and getting very clear on what was ahead for me in the new year. Inspiration hit with the 2012 Gratitude Challenge and there are now 50 people committed to recording 2,012 things they are thankful for this year (6 a day btw). The next day, the catalyst for launching the True Life Quote of the Day birthed a beautiful daily inspiration for the growing number of followers. However, I was still struggling with my theme, my inspiring challenge so I prayed. And the answer came effortlessly, ENJOY. And it freaked me out! What does that mean? It sounds so nice why am I freaking out?

ENJOY as a challenge

Well for sure it is a divine challenge as it certainly is not from me. First of all, I had no idea I wasn’t enjoying my life. I live a pretty exciting life full of purpose and intention and enjoy great influence with incredible people. But this challenge is different. It’s about ME as a person not as leader. Am I truly enjoying myself? Am I finding joy? On the outside, yes and on the surface inside yes and even deep down I have peace and joy because of my spiritual life and deep faith. However, am I experiencing it at my core and can I say I have that gut feel of enjoyment every day?

The Question

Things I enjoy!

Well do you, Shandel, do you enjoy your life? The answer is yes with some “buts” and “ands” so obviously there is sooooo much more for me. I feel this challenge is a call to enjoy things I have not allowed myself to enjoy in the past. The grateful challenge is key for this as the things I am enjoying seem trivial and often missed. Like my red boots or my niece’s laugh when she wears her pink boots to be like me.

Then there are things I realize I don’t enjoy which freaks me eating. I realized I don’t enjoy eating, I want to and try but its a mess. Most people are like SAY WHAT? No eating is either pleasurable and I am cursing myself that I am going to gain weight eating this glorious food or eating healthy food longing for a cookie! That is so messed up! But I didn’t really see that was the story in my head until I said, AM I ENJOYING THIS?

The Secret

The secret for me is I have to slow down, make space, and be present with not just my relationships with other people but with myself. I love to multi-task and get stuff done! However, I notice that I don’t enjoy either task so why not slow down…enjoy each task even if I don’t want to do it and then go on to the next one and enjoy it. Rest, Indulge, BE.

The Struggle

The struggle for me is I don’t feel I am very good at enjoying myself. I realize I haven’t been practicing so maybe that is why I suck at it. Thus, this week I have been practicing. Its pretty funny when you realize you have failed at enjoying …. yet I am okay with it. I am enjoying failing at enjoying because I realize how beautiful it truly is to enjoy your life, yourself, and your tiny moments.

There is a Cost

I have to admit for me to enjoy means I have to say no. I have to let others down. I have to be okay in my own skin and trust God. It requires me to believe others will give me grace as I give it to myself. I’m just saying its not easy and I need help. So you may be hearing more about this adventure and how you can help me. For now, I guess I will stop the muse and not answer the 135 emails from the day and go enjoy the final pages of my book instead.

Enjoying Life Even If It Kills Me,