Why Leaders Let Disappointment Simmer and 5 Actions you can take to be FREE!

Posted 02.16.12 | 0 comments

I just finished reading Chapter 25 in Clarity: Focusing on What Matters and here is what struck me: When disappointment hits we have a choice to become bitter or better. It reminded me of a speech I gave on Monday about overcoming bitterness and getting rid of anger. Before you can get rid of disappointment and bitterness you have to identify it.

Trials Identify The Cracks

Trials are an opportunity to reveal cracks in the foundation of our plan, life, and vision. As a leader you need to take action and deal with your own bitterness, disappointments, and conflicts. If you don’t you let them simmer on the back burner unti it boils. It costs too much energy, time, and resources to let that happen. Here are some way to identify and address the cracks before you have a crumbling disaster on your hands.

5 Actions Steps to Overcome Disappointment

1. Know your expectations…because they lead to disappointments. If you are a leader you have high aspirations, big dreams, and crazy long term vision as part of your DNA – you can’t help it. The problem is this great strength becomes a weakness and a stumbling block when they morph into expectations. Rarely do people ever meet our expectations so instead of adjusting and communicating our expectations into understandable goals and requests, we experience disappointment. Disappointment not dealt with properly leads to bitterness. Be clear with your expectations, first with yourself, and then with others.

Updating...

What Kind Of Risk Taker Are You?

Posted 02.09.12 | 0 comments

This is such a timely subject that I decided to include an excerpt from my book CLARITY: FOCUSING ON WHAT MATTERS. We are on week #24 and if you have not read the book or following along with our year long challenge – join in now.

Real Risk For Real Relationships

Growing up in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, I had a few too many opportunities for adventure: jumping snowmobiles in the full moon, passing three logging trucks on a two-lane highway in a ’71 Vega, leaping off 40-foot cliffs into the Feather River, and countless other near death experiences. Let’s just say that some adventures were cause for a visit to the chiropractor on Monday morning.

These days, I’ve traded adventure stunts for business tactics. Perhaps you’re like me. A different type of risk defines us…until someone challenges us to look deeper, or within. We may be successful but are we wealthy in relationships?

Intimacy is necessary for rich relationships. The only way to have true intimacy is to risk your self emotionally. At this point, the risk-taker in many of us comes to a screeching halt. Thinking of exposing our inner being is enough to send half of us running!

Where is your gap?

Have you felt a gap within you?

Ahhh…Relief! Clarity #23

Posted 02.02.12 | 0 comments

Listen to more on relief via “ASK SHANDEL” - listen here!

My favorite emotion is relief and I wrote extensively about it in Clarity on Week 23. Love is a choice or I would choose love, but think about the glorious feeling around the word relief. Like when you can’t find your child in the store and, after 5 minutes, see the feet pop out from the clothes rack. SHEW! Or running around the house for 30 minutes, now how late for a business meeting and then finally finding your keys.

Can you agree?

Relief is glorious and yet it should never be used a substitute for needed change. Many of us don’t change until we have to and so we thrive on relief when things “work out anyway.” I am telling you that is a lack of integrity that I must address often and I welcome you to do the same thing. What in your life needs to change today? Are you taking action that will lead to real growth or are you just trying to get a reprieve and settling for a lesser life so you can stay comfortable?

Relief for relief’s sake will derail your long-term success. You will choose behaviors that compromise your values just to “keep the peace” and simply react to life like a pinball.

Tools to take control

It is time for you to take control of your life and here in this podcast on relief that will help you get there. On the podcast, I give you a few ideas on how to get your emotions and your values back in line. Enjoy!

Would love to know what you think of the podcast? What questions would you suggest we tackle in upcoming episodes?

Your Coach For Clarity,

P.S. We have 2 spots left in our LIFE 301 class that supports you to answer the why of who you are. It starts in a week – join in today!

The cost of enjoying your life? What price are you willing to pay?

Posted 01.25.12 | 6 comments

This is a muse. I usually write pointed business, leadership and life coaching tips. Today, I share my journey to enjoy my life in 2012. On my planning retreat for 2012, I spent some time journaling and getting very clear on what was ahead for me in the new year. Inspiration hit with the 2012 Gratitude Challenge and there are now 50 people committed to recording 2,012 things they are thankful for this year (6 a day btw). The next day, the catalyst for launching the True Life Quote of the Day birthed a beautiful daily inspiration for the growing number of followers. However, I was still struggling with my theme, my inspiring challenge so I prayed. And the answer came effortlessly, ENJOY. And it freaked me out! What does that mean? It sounds so nice why am I freaking out?

ENJOY as a challenge

Well for sure it is a divine challenge as it certainly is not from me. First of all, I had no idea I wasn’t enjoying my life. I live a pretty exciting life full of purpose and intention and enjoy great influence with incredible people. But this challenge is different. It’s about ME as a person not as leader. Am I truly enjoying myself? Am I finding joy? On the outside, yes and on the surface inside yes and even deep down I have peace and joy because of my spiritual life and deep faith. However, am I experiencing it at my core and can I say I have that gut feel of enjoyment every day?

The Question

Things I enjoy!

Well do you, Shandel, do you enjoy your life? The answer is

The Perils of Miscommunication. Clarity #22

Posted 01.18.12 | 1 comment

When hired business to drive profit to the bottom-line, the first step we recommend is to assess what is happening with communication. To get alignment, you first must start with how do we get work done. At TLC, we make certain all team members are assessed and on the same page with their team members.

The magic is to have each member understand their own style and gain insight into their unique talents and personal blindspots. Next is to appreciate and understand their teammates’ strengths, weaknesses, and unique style. To start anywhere else, in my opinion, is a waste of money and energy not, to mention foolish. Why?

Business is Relationships

Business is all about relationships. Think about it. Businesses fail because one or more relationships did not work out (partners, customers, vendors, investors, employees). Relationships end when trust is broken. Trust is eroded if not broken immediately – usually because of a miscommunication.

Think About It

We have all had a relationship go bad, right? What happened? Something at sometime broke your trust with that person. Now think really hard about it, see if there is a miscommunication? It may have been instant or a slow erosion over time.

Here’s an example. When I was in high school, I never had a curfew because my mom trusted me and wanted to know where I was at all times. As long as I communicated I was granted freedom. Now imagine if I said, “Hey Mom, I’m going to Scott’s house” and she assumes I meant my boyfriend Scott, but when she checks up on me, I’m not there and then calls every person in my graduating class looking for me. Come to find out, I went to “Scott’s house”, the college guy I met at a party last weekend.

In my mind, I communicated perfectly per our agreement with no hint of misleading her. However, my mom is fuming and her trust in me now has a crack in it. I think she is overreacting when she asks me a million questions the next time I want to go out and so I stop telling her every detail because I don’t trust she still has that love and respect for me. Soon we are barely speaking and the relationship is compromised.

AND it happens in the workplace the same way. We think we are communicating perfectly only to find we are getting passive/aggressive attitude from someone. What do we do?

Deal with the Small Stuff

The problem in the workplace is we rarely talk about the small things that bug us. I am not advocating we nit pick and have to vent every problem; however, if we cannot overlook it and move on…it will erode trust.

I find in the workplace, small miscommunications snowball into huge big issues if not dealt with in a professional, agreed upon manner. Knowing your communication style and the style of the others is the fastest way to trust and respect. Then have a conflict resolution process that everyone agrees to and commits to upholding. It is always the small issues that cause the cancer that destroys relationships.

Start With You

Here is a resource we offer to individuals in order to find out your own communication style. For the leader of a team, we suggest you get everyone on the same page (scroll down on our Workshops page to see our “Building the Extraordinary Team” workshop) to blaze forward into a profitable 2012. Every moment you wait to communicate you compromise results. A culture of accountability and commitment must start with communication.

Where do you struggle with communication?

Your Coach For Clarity,

Have You Ever Been Accused of Not Living in the Present? Clarity #21

Posted 01.11.12 | 0 comments

I am super excited about the growing list of people doing the 2,012 gratitude list in 2012. Last week in a board meeting, I had a CEO share that he was joining in on the challenge. At his family planning retreat it was brought to his attention that he does not live in the present. Being the amazing go-getter that he is, his action step is gratitude and it’s the right choice.

Gratitude and The Now

Gratitude keeps you in the here and now. It has you reflect on what is happening all around you in the present moment. Most leaders have vision for the future and have a natural ability to see ahead. This trips them up about what is going on today. Having a daily routine to keep you in the present is one of the most powerful things you can do. A tool we have put in place to assist our leaders and gratitude folks is the quote of the day.

Reflection Time is Key

It is my hope that a simple quote will stop your brain and have you reflect. Pausing in your day to remember what’s most important and to write down something you are grateful for. Then each week take time to plan your week. Did you read Week #21 of Clarity: Focusing on What Matters? The title says it all -”Jumping Off the Hamster Wheel”. Clarity is designed to give you a weekly inspiration to help you prepare for your week. Then once a month, find a half day or full day to get away and examine where you are and where you are headed.

Only Live 2012 Once

You only get to live this day today. Being present is a gift you give the key people in your life and yourself. What can you do today to stay present and enjoy the here and now?

Please share how you stay present and focused on a daily or weekly basis.

Your Coach,

2012 Gratitude Challenge – Are You In?

Posted 01.01.12 | 8 comments

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hope you had a fantastic New Year’s Eve, got to sleep in and now ready for a fresh start into a new year. Â If you do not get my monthly newsletter you really need to sign up because there are meaty articles I write that I don’t always post on the weekly blog. This one I want to share with everyone as it is dear to my heart and a CHALLENGE for 2012. Â Today we are launching our Quote of the Day email me “Quote” if you want to receive it. Â Also, if you are stuck on Goal Setting here’s a great tool.

Enjoy the read and comment below if you are in!Â

If not now, when?

While on a cruise to Mexico, I read a spiritual book calledÂ One Thousand Gifts.Â First chapter in, my list of the 1000 things had begun. It was uncanny, how

just being observant to what is and being thankful for small things (such as having someone else make my bed, the smell of suntan lotion, the white foam on a wave) changed my perspective on things. As I continued to read the book, I kept adding to my list hourly — intentionally looking for things I may not have previously seen as “gifts.” It took me three full days to finish my list and in that short time…

It Transformed Me

You may argue the fact that I was on vacation or maybe it was the sunshine and the margaritas. I thought the same thing, so I started the list again when I got home. I am ending 2011 with over 500 more!

There is something about having a number as a goal that makes it a transforming game. The discipline of making yourself keep track encourages you to look throughout your day for little gifts that scream gratitude! My list includes everything from my mom’s voice and the steam from my morning tea to the breakdown of the car and the disappointment of a cancelled trip. Even the hard and stressful things you experience take on new meaning when you look at them with new eyes.

Why Leaders StruggleÂ

People rarely leave jobs where they are appreciated. When there is a genuine appreciation of a person’s talents and contributions, there is low turn over, better outcomes and greater efficiency. Leaders primarily struggle with gratitude because they have already moved on to the next challenge. Their mind is moving the ball down the field to the goal line. Thus, they forget to vocalize their appreciation or recognize what good is happening all around them, because they are already down the road to the next fire.

Consider the firefighters who put out a huge fire. As they are dealing with the last of the hot embers and beginning to clean up, suddenly another fire breaks out across town. Leaving a clean-up crew behind to finish the job, they race across town and save a child just in the nick of time. Of course, they are held up by all the media attention and reporters; thus they return to the firehouse pumped up on adrenaline ready for more. What are the chances they go back to the clean-up crew and thank them for what a great job they did? It’s not that they are not grateful, they just got busy doing another life threatening feat.

What We Want From Our Leader

We want our leader to be out in front taking on challenges, putting out fires, and fixing what’s not going right. That is their strength and unique ability.

AND we also want them to take a few moments to reflect on what has been successful thus far, vocalize their gratitude for the diversity of talent and contribution of their team, and celebrate progress being made along the way.Â

It is usually not a natural thing for a leader (although wonderful when it is) to be intentional about vocalizing their praise and appreciation. Yet, it is transforming when they do. It transforms them as a leader and it absolutely transforms the people and the culture. Let’s be honest: it will only happen if there is intentionality. If you want it to work, it requires aÂ measurableÂ goal to track to with a meaningful return.

Therefore, I am going to help you be the best leader and person you can be with theÂ True Life Leadership Challenge of 2012!

2012 Challenge

I’m inviting you to join me in identifying, naming, and writing down 2,012 things you are thankful for during the year of 2012. It is only 38 per week or 167 per month. For goodness sakes, it is less than six a day! AND this is a leap year, so you get an extra day to think up a few more. Get yourself a small journal that will capture your 2012 items. Or do what I do: turn my journal upside down and start from the back. It is larger so it holds three columns of 25 each.

Who Is In?

If you are in, I’d like to know below. I want to follow your success and learn from your list. Your gratitude items may help me look for something I would have missed otherwise. Come on, you busy people, it’s less than six items a day! This project has even inspired me to start a daily emailÂ “quote of the day”Â so I will remind you. (Besides, you can always get caught up as it is only 38 per week and there is always the four-day weekend at Thanksgiving if you fall behind!)

The transformation only happens, though, when you are consistent. Being consistent forces you to change your perspective and look for things that you would usually pass over. So join in and be accountable! Let me know below if you are in — and list your first six things to see how easy it is to get started. Let’s use the hashtag #2012thx onÂ twitterÂ and I would love to see you randomly post a few on ourÂ facebookÂ page.Â

Maybe at Thanksgiving, we can share our transformation stories. Â I can’t wait!

Your Coach Is Grateful forÂ You!

2012 Goal Setting: Find Your Theme and Write It Down

Posted 12.31.11 | 1 comment

Each year, I have the joy of providing you a new way to think about goal setting for the upcoming year. Whatever you do, please do not make any new year resolutions!Â Simply have a vision, know your core values, align your goals to your core values, and determine the action steps.Â

For 2012, instead of setting tons of goals and having a complex plan, how about coming up with ONE challenging goal that becomes your theme, and then add just a few others that you need as your dashboard to keep yourself aligned to your big vision?Â

In the last three years I have had one personal goal as a theme and it took all my energy to just stay on task to that one thing!! It may look and sound easy, but if it is the right one it will stretch you all year long.

Like anything that is simple, it takes some work upfront to gain the clarity that is needed to determine your #1 theme. Here are five ideas to get you started.

TLC Launches Brand New QUOTE OF THE DAY

Posted 12.30.11 | 12 comments

I hate too much email and I love quotes. I subscribe to a daily inspiration that I read, forward, save or mostly delete. In less than 6 seconds, my thinking has been challenged and I move on. Sometimes “moved”. Sometimes hit delete to get “on” with it. I have thought for 7 years, I would like to inspire people on a daily basis like this guy does. So this morning I woke up and thought…

THE TIME IS NOW!

Why now?Â Well, I am inviting a few friends to join me in my “Grateful for 2,012 Things” in 2012. Hey, its no small task to write down 2,012 things you are thankful for and stay committed to it to the end. Actually, it is less than 6 a day or 38 per week so join us! To help myself and others be successful, I thought it was a perfect time to send anÂ inspiringÂ email once a day to keep it top of mind and encourage progress.Â

Today, I will figure out the best way to do it, launch January 1st, and perfect it over the next few weeks. Your suggestions and feedback would be most appreciated. Simply send us an email letting us know you want on the list and in 6 seconds you’ll be a step closer to your personal NEXT LEVEL each and every day.

Join In! Simply email meÂ with the word QUOTE!Â

PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE and see if it makes the list.

Happy New Year from Your Coach!

Can You Gain Power and Strength via Being Meek? Clarity #20

Posted 12.15.11 | 0 comments

Does anyone else watch old timeless movies this time of year? Â EVERY year between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I watch “ELF” and “It’s a Wonderful Life.” One makes me laugh and the other causes great reflection and gratefulness. This week’s Clarity reading pulls from lessons learned from “The Man From Snowy River”, another favorite.Â A young client of mine had never seen the movie. WHAT? You must see this sappy little movie immediately.In it the main character, Jim Craig, not only tames a powerful, dangerous and beautiful wild colt, he captures the whole mob of brumbies, (the term for feral horses in Australia – BTW) How?Â Only with the help of his faithful saddle horse, the real hero of the story.

Powerful Leadership

Because its strength and power had been bridled, trained, and controlled, Craigâ€™s horse could carry him where other cowboys had not dared to go. It had the potential to go wild, to return to the herd, but it was obedient and loyal to Craig, part of a two-creature team on an outrageous mission. Was the meek saddle horse any less of a brave leader than the scene-stealing, bucking black brumbie?

Strength Under Control

Meekness is not spinelessness or sentimentality. The term meek comes from the Greek word praus, which is used for a strong beast that has been tamed. In other words, strength under control. Translated, you, in control. Many times, we as leaders think we have to do the rearing-head colt-thing to get things done, yet isnâ€™t it the humble power of a mentor we remember?

Test It For Yourself

Test it, list the qualities of someone who has influenced your life in a meaningful way. If you are like most, your list will include moral integrity, humble confidence, gentle strength, and genuine interest in the good of others â€“ a team player who invested in you. It is not the guy who strutted in and had it all together looking down on the rest as the smartest guy in the room. We gravitate to people who have been tested in their character and in their times of weakness became strong, confident and humble. What we experience in them is the character trait of meekness.

That person is so strong, so confident they could take anyone out with their wisdom, intelligence and experience – instead they quietly and meekly serve others.

Who is a humble and meek person in your life? Â Someone who has influenced you with that quiet strength?

Be sure and secure copies of Clarity for the leaders in your life for Christmas. They can follow along into the new year. Â The gift ofÂ Clarity: Focusing on What MattersÂ in 2012.

Your Coach For Clarity,

Sign up for the quote of day!

Recent Tweets

Upcoming Events